Greg's Quotes

"Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all of the publicity.  But then, we elected them." --Lily Tomlin

"Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk? --Anonymous

"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines." --Frank Lloyd Wright

"If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?" --Steven Wright

"The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid moves, only complicated stupid moves which make us wonder at the possibility that there may be something to them we are missing." --Gamel Abdel Nasser

"In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world's weird and people take Prozac to make it normal." --Damon Albarn

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets." --Dave Edison

"Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt.  Donate it to the Salvation Army instead.  They'll clean it and put it on a hanger.  Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents." --William Coronel

"My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out on the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she learned to swim. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim." --Paula Poundstone

“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I’m halfway through my fishburger and realize, Oh my God…I could be eating a slow learner.” - Lynda Montgomery

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